; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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