fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
