lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have tasted many bathrooms
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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