also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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