TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
