I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
