my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
