I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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