You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
