can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
