what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
