god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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