We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
