i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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