***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
