First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
