Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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