he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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