from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
