Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
