escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
