she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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