4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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