The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
