Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
