There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You are the jesus of drinking
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
