New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
