New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
