What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
