I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nicole vs. Life
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
