I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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