My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
