you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
