she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
