i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
