I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
