i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
