I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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