we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
