He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
