if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
