i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
