whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
