I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
