He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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