we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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