If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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