I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
