so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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