??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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