I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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