And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
