Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
