Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
