so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Someone came in the potted fern
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
